REALITY BITES #2

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. -Anonymous

Thanks to my friend Melissa Kamath for posting that as her FB status. I'm not sure what may be going on in her life but it seemed so appropriate for mine. I've been spending a lot of time trying to reclaim my life here in New York before I ship off to Denver (details to follow).

I know what used to make me laugh and smile. Those things aren't gone from my life. My friends are lovely and wonderful to be around. There have been many moments since I returned back to NYC, over a month ago, that I cherish being "home". Yet, I've continuously hit a terrible low within the past few weeks.

Example #1.... I was out with Patrick, Trystan, Mark, Lauren, and a whole slew of other Brooklynites. After a night at some bars and a bazaar (post to follow), I just decided I had enough. Barely a goodbye. "Peace, see ya". It wasn't a drunken stumble home either! I had 3 diet cokes and enough 2nd hand smoke to last me a lifetime.

Example#2.... Today, I was heading to the McCarren Park, I was planning on blogging about how beautiful my neighborhood was. I planned on visiting the shops, sitting in the park, laughing with my Jaime, my "homeslice". But because I couldn't find parking, my brain started to wander. I was fine, then the next minute I wasn't. After a half hour of driving around (I don't think I was even looking for parking anymore) I turned around and drove home. Even as I stare out the window now, it is the most beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky.

Have a finally succumbed to depression?

Some of you out there may know that I recently went through a rather short romance that ended in great heartache. I'm pretty sure I've never been in love like this before. And the best/worst part..... it was so real.

Some people wonder if this is the reason why this blog exists in the first place. Sure, if you need to a reason "why". But let me spell it out for you too....

1. I fell in love with a man who truly loves me.
2. I still love him, but he can't be with me.
3. Lots of tears.
4. I asked God how he could do this to people.
5. I tried to find purpose in all this madness.
6. I tried to write a play, finished Act 1 but got bored.
7. Blog was birthed.

My drummer Tim would now call the Wah-Bulance on me. But I don't care today. I just don't...