The Evolution of the "Fair-Weather" Friend: "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friend

So this isn't blog related but it's part of my general musings.... If you need a tie-in....
DAY 11.5: Bitch and Complain on Facebook.... while SOBER.

DISCLAIMER: I'm sure I will be revered by the singles around the city and hated by those who use every fiber of their being to love another. For those of my friends and family in loving relationships, I must make it clear that I am sincerely happy for you. And for the most part, this does not apply to my closest of friends. But if you get angry at this entry, I ask, "Why? Do you feel guilty?"

Recently, my phone has been blowing up! Text messages, voicemails, picture texts, you name it. I'm so popular. My inbox has been cluttered with more than event invitations from people I don't know. To my DELIGHT, I have found messages from friends I have not seen in weeks, months, years even.... The duration of which is directly related to how long this friend of mine has been involved in an intimate relationship.
I undestand that it takes time to develop a relationship. I get that. I understand that once you found your love, you want to spend every waking moment with them. I get that. I understand that this person in you life takes priority. I get that. BUT myself and the rest of your friends are collecting dust here!

So, I get these desperate phone calls. "Hey what are you doing this weekend?" "What are you doing tomorrow?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!?!?!" I feel completely wanted and can't wait to see my friends......then I noticed a common theme thanks to theri facebook status updates....

"I'm missing my honey"20 wall-to-walls "Enjoy Antarctica, Lovebucket""5 day, 11 hours, 22 minutes, 1.8457435 seconds til you come home to me"
.....wait..... am I the replacement girlfriend? am I your bro only when your husband is away? Holy Cabooses!

Nope. The truth is, I am the unfortunate victim of a "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friend. We all have one or two of them. They pop into our lives at moments of convenience, but for who, one can only guess. But no worries! Eventually they will sink deeper and deeper into coupledom that seperation is non-option, your inbox shall be spared.

I have many great friends who are happily married, engaged, in long term relationships and I spend time with them together and apart. So YES, there are exceptions! I'm encouraging everyone to be that exception in their lives! Be the fun couple that people can't wait to have at their parties. Be the couple that evenly round out every game of bowling by being split up at the lanes. Be the couple that still enjoy exclusive Girl's Night Out (Gays, I mean you). Be the couple that people love to love instead of the couple that people are too bored with to even hate. Be the couple that is not remembered as a couple but as two individuals who uniquely and individual enrich the lives of the people around them.

By being with someone you love, I hope that you choose to share your life completely with your partner. But sharing your life does not mean that two lives become one. Does it? That's my plan at least (perhaps I'm doomed to be single for the rest of my life, oh well).

So may this note be found in great spirit and humor. May it prevent the birth of future "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friends, "We-Can't-Go-Anywhere-Without-Each-Other" Friends, "I-Don't-Know-How-To Wipe-My-Own-Arse" Friends and more "Just-Plain" Friends.
Some may argue.....the phone works both ways. Touche...

Love Always,
Kelvin, your biggest Fair Weather Friend.