MetroLUCIDITY: A Gay Man's Guide to a Healthy Substance-Free Lifestyle in the City.

Are You a GAY BULLY?

2010-11-10T15:20:00.001-08:00

It’s as if the word has just been birthed. On the minds of every American (at least every LGBTQ New Yorker….that’s the entire country right?) , the word “BULLY” is finally getting the attention it deserves. And rightfully so.

Sometimes, media sensationalism gets it right! They bring focus to the social issues that is more worthy than Miss Lohan’s substance abuse. They get it right when they decidedly talk about things I want to talk about….. ME.

Jokes aside, teen suicide is not to be taken lightly. Campaigns like “It Gets Better” are worthwhile and noble. The Trevor Project is next to none in their efforts to make sure kids know that it will be alright. We as adults have the forethought and developed sense to inform the next generation: You are worth it. It is okay to be different. Just hang tight, kiddo.

And before I go on the hunt for these “bullies”, I set myself off to define what “bullying” is….. wikipedia and GO!.....

“Bullying is a form of abuse. It involves repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one group or person's power over another group or person, thus an "imbalance of power".^[2] The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target.”

So, I prepared to defend myself against the evil bullies. I wore my tightest pair of jeans, my biggest “fuck you” face, and I readied myself to defend with my David Barton toned physique. Meanwhile I noticed a guy, a femme guy, wearing a blazer that was entirely too small and puke green. So I called across the street to recommend to her a good tailor and/or Salvation Army.

I went to the clubs night to night to celebrate my pride in being a homosexual and not afraid of said bullies. I somehow noticed through the eardrum bursting house music that the demographic of The Ritz has become predominantly Asian. I thought to myself, what is this, the Web. So I burst out on to the street and said, “Fuck this, I don’t do sticky rice!” Glad to say, even through my rage, I saw no bullies in sight.

I settled into the Galaxy diner where I noticed a lonely tweaked out gay spooning gravy onto a plate of cheese fries. I was jealous, I leaned over to perhaps ask him to share, but instead I said in a drunken Shakespearean stupor, “french fries a boyfriend does not make.”

Well nourished and satisfied that my Bully Hunter instincts needed rest, I took a cab home. Just me, the smelly cab driver I deliberately tried to wave off because of his beard, and my bully self.

WAIT.

Oh my God. I’m a bully. I’m a gay bully.

INSERT PREACHY IRONY SECTION HERE.

America’s Next Top Model. The fighting on Real Housewives. Shows like The A-List anything. All my beloved TV programming….. They have been programming me to be a pudgy judgy pants. DANGIT.

And where does it stem from? I can tell teenagers all day long that they are going to be okay and it’s okay to be different and yet I am soulless in my disregard to the adult LGBTQ community. Where do I get off?

Self-pity. Self-loathing. Self-something. INTERNAL COMMUNITY BULLYING. Who am I to tell anyone else not to judge the labels that I identify with when I do so myself. I can’t help but think how disappointed I am in myself….. And when I wake up in the morning, habitually run to the mirror and pinch my rolls, I know now I bully myself. And well, I probably deserve it.

I can keep going but you get the point. The solution is…… LOVE. Do what you love. Spend time with the people you love. Talk about things you love and less about the things you don’t.

This is a comedy piece with lots of fiction (particularly the part about David Barton physique…..) but I’ve learned a very real lesson. If not for you then for me alone:

***I will begin to focus on the things I agree with. I will speak more about how to make self improvements before I even think about others. I need to guard myself from the biggest bully of them all……ME.***

So as a resolution from this point forward, I hope to do something only I have control of: Taking one more bully off the radar. One me at a time.

FUTURE/FEARS: Not Everyday is a Parade...

2010-03-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

At the age of 26, you think that every moment that you aren't doing something super exciting is wasted. Right? Every night of my youth is an opportunity to see friends, to write a poem, party down, run a marathon, go to the gym. Every day should be used to socialize, talk to everyone, stranger or not, read every book, and smell every rose.

Right?

Well for some....yes. But I need sleep. I love it. I need time to just sit on the couch and zone out. I need three days a week of nothingness. That's just how my body operates. Because only then can I really enjoy things when they really count.

Instead of smelling every rose, how about just one? Instead of reading every book, wouldn't it be better to re-read one you love and continue to find the nuance in the literature? I'm beginning to think this is becoming a metaphor for dating with ZERO intention of being so.

The point is: I was starting to get a little bored and hum drum about this NO DRINKING business. It's Friday night and I feel like I should be doing something. But then I think....it's going to be fine. Not everyday is a Parade. And when it does pass by, I'll be wide awake.

Yesterday, I did get a chance to see Alice in Wonderland with Natalie! We both questioned.... when did the Mad Hatter become gay? Oh Johnny Depp and his lisp.

Carrot Top + Memoirs of a Geisha + David Copperfield (not the magician)

TEMPTATION: "If it were just til St. Patrick's Day...."

2010-03-17T17:38:00.001-07:00

I don't remember last year's holiday. I vaguely remember making soda bread. Oh right, I threw a dinner party and saved myself from drinking green beer for 3 Buck Chuck.

St. Patrick's Day does not appeal to me as much as Thanksgiving for example. I do love a good soda bread and opt to eat cabbage without any holiday prompt.

I would like to take a moment to be jaded as bridge and tunnellers invade the subway systems and vent...Do they even know what they're celebrating about? Irish heritage? Besides the obvious patron St. Patrick, what was he the patron saint of?

But this would be an appropriate anniversary for my DRY challenge. If a reveler were to say that they would be celebrating a holiday solely heralding the arrival of another day of binge drinking, I would accept that answer as they are completely correct in 2010.

I walked through Chelsea to see a twinky Filipino boy sporting a green t-shirt that sported the logo, "Everyone loves an Irish Girl". He'll get laid no doubt, but not before I pass judgement!

Here's stage one! I'm angry I can't join in the evening's shenanigans. I am very tempted. The weekend hasn't even arrived!!!

It was beautiful day so JP and I made our way to the Highline Park for some vitamin D!

I did make it to the bar though with Jaime! She sneered at my diet coke ironically served in a Bass glass.

- Posted from my iPhone

NEW TOY: Kitchen Scale

2010-03-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so if it ticks, whizzes, whirs, recharges, uses battery, lights up, blinks, basically smarter than an average kindergartner in robot form.....I want it.

But this one has purpose (don't they all)! My new kitchen scale is going to keep me on task with my healthier eating patterns.

Thanks to WeightWatchers, which I highly endorse, I have been steadily losing that darn remaining 20 pounds. Some people have 5 but I've been battling losing weight for years. Now, arguably, many would say that I'm not fat anymore. But now I want an enviable body!

I've tried dieting, weight training, hiring a trainer, relentless cardio and nothing was working! Well why?! Because my diet was all messed up.

I believed that high protein diets were the way to go. How could chicken breast and ground turkey be fattening?! Well, they're not unless you're pounding away 5-6 pounds of it a day in addition to that bowl of brown rice and sauces! My cholesterol was down but my intake was much too high!

So this new gadget will help me on the road to success and it's even branded by my favorite TV show, the BIGGEST LOSER! No show on TV makes me hungrier than TBL, not even anything on the Food Network, I swear!

$$$ BETTER SPENT: Groceries

2010-03-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

No, I am not a vegan. No, I don't buy anything organic (unless it's on sale below the price of non-organic). No, I wouldn't recycle unless the city made me. I'm trying not to drink, I'm not trying to be a Saint.

Perhaps that will all change one day.

The Chinese are very superstitious with numerology. So when I checked out of my new favorite grocery store, BEST YET MARKET, I was amazed to see that I spent $58 exactly. That number had been coming up a lot in my recent life. The last time I spent $58 exactly was at a bar called Su Casa last Wednesday night.....

***sidebar: I got so wasted that night, I fell off a wooden table ala Scarlett takes a tumble.***

What was I able to afford at Su Casa?

5 Jack Daniels on the rocks
a 15% tip

What did I get at the grocery store?

6 packages of ground turkey
2 packages of chicken breast
2 pasta sauces
7 frozen Smart Ones meals
Ground Tumeric (for my healthy Halal Street Meat recipe to come)
LOTS MORE!!!!

That's about 2 weeks worth of meals! And I don't get a bruised ego/ass at the end of the night!

Note that I now have two new GO GREEN bags, but I wouldn't have taken them unless they were FREE. But now that I have them, I guess I'll try to use them

SOBERING MOMENT: Eight Months to say 'Goodbye"

2010-03-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I completely realize the last time I posted was July 19th. And in that time, I have consumed a lot of alcohol. I have tried nose candy. I now own a Christmas themed pair of bowls (not the fruit bearing kind). I have been the model son.

I have to be honest about my first attempts at quitting drinking and any kind of substance usage. I wasn't an alcoholic by any means (maybe 2 or 3 nights a week). I never purchased drugs in my life (only used it if it were at a party). I pretended I was quitting for health reasons, physical. But I learned it was purely because of mental health reasons.

I dated a Mormon boy. He dumped me. I was trying to impress him.

ATTEMPT #2: How this time will be DIFFERENT

I'm not doing it to impress anyone. Not ANYONE.
I'm actually thinking that it will help me be THINNER.
I've quit my band, no more playing in bars.
I'm on unemployment. No $$$ = No Drinkies.

and most importantly #5. I'm going to do it as a tribute to my father. My father was in remission for two years and well... it's back. I can't pronounce it, but it's cancer in his nose and surrounding areas. Last time he had it, radiation left him unable to taste anything. He was only able to distinguish food in four categories: hot, cold, soft, hard.

Needless to say, my father and I have had a tumultuous relationship over the years (gay son + Asian dad = drama = CLICHE). I love him very much but I still have a very hard time showing it. Especially now he has a doomist outlook on this new round of chemo and radiation, I can't be present. I can't bring myself to entertain the idea of losing my father. It's 60% selfish and 40% something else I can't yet name.

But as I think of nights where my mother loses sleep over my father's health issues, I feel 100% selfish. My mother needs to drive my father to chemo/radiation 5 days a week for the next 7 weeks, make him dinner, work her 50+hours, watch over him as he sleeps and monitor his health; How can I bring myself to have endless amounts of alcohol and party frivolously? I can barely return a phone call on most days.

I'm not a runner. I hate cardio. I don't run away from my problems. I just sit and hide in a cloud of burnt hemp, beer goggles on, and sit perfectly still. I pontificate and intellectualize the problems until they are surreal and emotionless. Then try to sleep it off.

Some may criticize that this blog is a way of not dealing with my family falling apart from illness and distance. I would say they were correct. But at least it's constructive.

I haven't had a drink in days, but I'm content with saying that today is Day One: Here's to you, Dad.

DAY 13: HIT UP IKEA [Who doesn't love Swedish balls?]

2009-07-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, first things first. I've been off the wagon for a couple of days. It sucks. Summer in NY without drinking could be totally un-doable, I'm thinking. But as most things that aren't good for you- they eventually make you sick.

I have had a headcold for a couple days now. But before I was forced into containment, I spent the day with Tim and Joey at IKEA. Now, they had to furnish a new apartment, but for me.... I just wanted some balls and some swede-cart riding.

For the record, if there was any kind of world Armegeddon ala 2012 , the best place to barricade yourself would be this Scandanavian haven.

Now the only thing that was missing from this experience... IKEA needs to start hiring authentic Swedes to help me find the perfect bed. Right, guys?

Badass Tim looking for a badass wardrobe.

Joey battles Swedish Pie.
A traditional Swedish dinner. Still no idea what a lingonberry is....

Tim: "This is what it was like being birth, I'm pretty sure"

The Evolution of the "Fair-Weather" Friend: "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friend

2009-07-14T10:06:00.000-07:00

So this isn't blog related but it's part of my general musings.... If you need a tie-in....
DAY 11.5: Bitch and Complain on Facebook.... while SOBER.

DISCLAIMER: I'm sure I will be revered by the singles around the city and hated by those who use every fiber of their being to love another. For those of my friends and family in loving relationships, I must make it clear that I am sincerely happy for you. And for the most part, this does not apply to my closest of friends. But if you get angry at this entry, I ask, "Why? Do you feel guilty?"

Recently, my phone has been blowing up! Text messages, voicemails, picture texts, you name it. I'm so popular. My inbox has been cluttered with more than event invitations from people I don't know. To my DELIGHT, I have found messages from friends I have not seen in weeks, months, years even.... The duration of which is directly related to how long this friend of mine has been involved in an intimate relationship.
I undestand that it takes time to develop a relationship. I get that. I understand that once you found your love, you want to spend every waking moment with them. I get that. I understand that this person in you life takes priority. I get that. BUT myself and the rest of your friends are collecting dust here!

So, I get these desperate phone calls. "Hey what are you doing this weekend?" "What are you doing tomorrow?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?!?!?!" I feel completely wanted and can't wait to see my friends......then I noticed a common theme thanks to theri facebook status updates....

"I'm missing my honey"20 wall-to-walls "Enjoy Antarctica, Lovebucket""5 day, 11 hours, 22 minutes, 1.8457435 seconds til you come home to me"
.....wait..... am I the replacement girlfriend? am I your bro only when your husband is away? Holy Cabooses!

Nope. The truth is, I am the unfortunate victim of a "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friend. We all have one or two of them. They pop into our lives at moments of convenience, but for who, one can only guess. But no worries! Eventually they will sink deeper and deeper into coupledom that seperation is non-option, your inbox shall be spared.

I have many great friends who are happily married, engaged, in long term relationships and I spend time with them together and apart. So YES, there are exceptions! I'm encouraging everyone to be that exception in their lives! Be the fun couple that people can't wait to have at their parties. Be the couple that evenly round out every game of bowling by being split up at the lanes. Be the couple that still enjoy exclusive Girl's Night Out (Gays, I mean you). Be the couple that people love to love instead of the couple that people are too bored with to even hate. Be the couple that is not remembered as a couple but as two individuals who uniquely and individual enrich the lives of the people around them.

By being with someone you love, I hope that you choose to share your life completely with your partner. But sharing your life does not mean that two lives become one. Does it? That's my plan at least (perhaps I'm doomed to be single for the rest of my life, oh well).

So may this note be found in great spirit and humor. May it prevent the birth of future "My-Spouse-Is-Away" Friends, "We-Can't-Go-Anywhere-Without-Each-Other" Friends, "I-Don't-Know-How-To Wipe-My-Own-Arse" Friends and more "Just-Plain" Friends.
Some may argue.....the phone works both ways. Touche...

Love Always,
Kelvin, your biggest Fair Weather Friend.

DAY 12: STREET CARNIVAL/BAZAAR [Our State Fair...]

2009-07-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I remember visiting Utah in 2007 for their state fair. But in NYC, this is the best we're going to do here, folks.

How can you resist a bright flashing teenage sex-mobile....I mean ferris wheel? Why go to a theme park when you can have the thrill of riding a potential death machine at the mercy of an carefree carney? How can you beat 6 cases of cardiac arrest for only $4?!

Simply the best. And ever entertaining. They're only in the city during the summer months, so bring $20 and it'll last you about 15 minutes at a place like this. Don't carry anything valuable and travel in packs, to avoid teen hoodlums. The danger of walking through these street carnivals themselves are half the fun! Seriously!

Mark is a carnivore.... An Italian Carnivore.

Pat and Tryst contemplate risking their lives on this monster.
Verdict: No, Thank You.

After a quick trip to the ATM I returned with my favorite night-time binge eating partner, Lauren.
Zeppoles = Fried Dough + Powdered Sugar = Fatty Fatty No Friends

REALITY BITES #2

2009-07-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. -Anonymous

Thanks to my friend Melissa Kamath for posting that as her FB status. I'm not sure what may be going on in her life but it seemed so appropriate for mine. I've been spending a lot of time trying to reclaim my life here in New York before I ship off to Denver (details to follow).

I know what used to make me laugh and smile. Those things aren't gone from my life. My friends are lovely and wonderful to be around. There have been many moments since I returned back to NYC, over a month ago, that I cherish being "home". Yet, I've continuously hit a terrible low within the past few weeks.

Example #1.... I was out with Patrick, Trystan, Mark, Lauren, and a whole slew of other Brooklynites. After a night at some bars and a bazaar (post to follow), I just decided I had enough. Barely a goodbye. "Peace, see ya". It wasn't a drunken stumble home either! I had 3 diet cokes and enough 2nd hand smoke to last me a lifetime.

Example#2.... Today, I was heading to the McCarren Park, I was planning on blogging about how beautiful my neighborhood was. I planned on visiting the shops, sitting in the park, laughing with my Jaime, my "homeslice". But because I couldn't find parking, my brain started to wander. I was fine, then the next minute I wasn't. After a half hour of driving around (I don't think I was even looking for parking anymore) I turned around and drove home. Even as I stare out the window now, it is the most beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky.

Have a finally succumbed to depression?

Some of you out there may know that I recently went through a rather short romance that ended in great heartache. I'm pretty sure I've never been in love like this before. And the best/worst part..... it was so real.

Some people wonder if this is the reason why this blog exists in the first place. Sure, if you need to a reason "why". But let me spell it out for you too....

1. I fell in love with a man who truly loves me.
2. I still love him, but he can't be with me.
3. Lots of tears.
4. I asked God how he could do this to people.
5. I tried to find purpose in all this madness.
6. I tried to write a play, finished Act 1 but got bored.
7. Blog was birthed.

My drummer Tim would now call the Wah-Bulance on me. But I don't care today. I just don't...

DAY 11: FIND THE ISLAND OF CONEY [It's like Disney but much more ghetto]

2009-07-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

I remember last summer, I spent the day at the Brooklyn Cyclones game and enjoyed a staple of Americana, baseball. It was what I considered to be an amazing day at Coney Island. But I missed Nathan's, the boardwalk, the Cyclone, the Wonderwheel, so this time I decided to claim a memory of Coney Island that was truly inspired!

Here's what I learned.....

1. The cyclone WILL give you whiplash
2. Pee and pay the $.25 before you get on the Wonderwheel
3. 1400+ Calories for Chili Cheese Fries, and worth every calorie.
4. The beach is gross.... As are 100% of all NY Beaches.
5. Go with friends and try not to get mugged....that's the real Coney Island experience.
6. I still recommend the Cyclones game.... best $12 ever.... watch out for coupons and free give-a-way days!!!
7. Skip BEER Island!

Natalie is terrified by the Wonderwheel.... Shoulda wore depends...

1400+ Calories, and I didn't share!!!!
And I know this photo is upside down, but its still 1400 calories anyway you flip it.

Post-Cyclone- Natalie: Call Dr. Janet, my chiropractor!

After the day was done, and the sun has set, I did what any self-respecting gay man should do..... I brought my laundry home for my mother to wash... After a whole day of pounding away Nathan's and upon entering the door I get this....

Liza: "My son, you look fat. Are you HUNGRY?! Make you sometin' to eat?!?!"

.....just wash & fold woman.... Thanks, Mom.

REALITY BITES #1

2009-07-07T19:56:00.001-07:00

Not everyday can be full great non-drinking fun. Sometimes, a person has to work, and run errands, and move boxes, and rehearse, and do a lot of BULLSH*T.

And at the end of that day....all I could ever want in the world is a nice whiskey on the rocks to cool my jets. But why? To calm my nerves? Or to numb away my responsibilities?

I don't actually have an answer but I'm very stressed and very antsy. I just couldn't sleep last night and none of my usual tricks of falling asleep worked.... warm milk, quick tug, hot shower.... But I wasn't succumbing to Tylenol PM or a glass of wine either, so now what?!

Instead, I sat up, and I stared at the wall. And I wondered, "what am I doing this for?" Again, I don't have the answers. My friends are finding me terribly boring, life isn't as adventurous as I'm making it out to be, and I'm losing focus.

But the one thing I am sure of.....Jumping off the wagon will NOT provide clarity. It didn't this weekend, it won't today....

I reserve myself to laundry then!

DAY 10: CUT THE FAT [From your closet...]

2009-07-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

I hope not to sound too much like a TLC show, but it is time to clean the crap out of your closet [I'll resist any tempting closet jokes....].

After 3 months of being out of town, I began unpacking my boxes that I stored away for my sublet. When suddenly thought to myself, if you lived without it for 3 months, why not the rest of your life?

Preliminary Rules by which to throw things out:
1. If you haven't worn it within a year. [you get the full seasonal excuse]
2. If it's ugly.... [you tried to make it work, but give it up.]
3. If you have more than one of the same item [socks don't count]
4. If it's a size too large [never aspire to be able to fit in it again!]
5. If you have more than 100 facebook photos of your wearing the garment. [enough is enough].

Your closet should be half empty now...... and if not....

DO IT AGAIN but with these rules:
1. If it hasn't made it into your laundry rotation in 6 months
2. If you've owned it for more than 5 years
3. If it has a really tacky logo [ie. GAP, Old Navy, or worse....Abercrombie!]
4. If it's two sizes too small [let's be realistic]
5. If someone could mistaken it for a costume piece

It's not about giving away your worldly possessions. It's about clearing the clutter so you can fill your life with meaningful things.....like people and experiences. Also, for more vain reasons, it'll force your good sense of style to the surface of your wardrobe by providing a renewed sense of clarity.

Middle School: Seriously, get rid of the show t-shirts....

High School: Appropriate for the beach, but did I think it was appropriate for 8th Period English Lit?

College: I once worked at Bubba Gump. Was I planning to revisit those charming days?
The sweatshirt says it all, "stupid is as stupid does"

Day 9: FAIL [All these red-eyed Devils at play....]

2009-07-05T21:19:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm not going to restart the counter but as many had anticipated, I would fail my mission sooner or later. I spent the week eating well, making good choices, and on independence day, I ran 4 miles and hung out in Battery Park. And one night can destroy an entire week's worth of work. Way to go!

To quit cold turkey may be helpful for some, but it was torturous for me. The birth of our country has led to the death of my vow..... or perhaps it had provided strenghth to my vision of what I have to do. It started with a few beers at a friend's backyard party/concert. Then a night on a roof with more beer and then this morning I found receipts of liquor stores. $15 here, $30 there..... and the text message that defined my weekend....

"I am taking a drunken nap in the car. I hate myself for drinking". I have always found myself to be terrible honest when I'm drunk. This morning was miserable. Happy Independence Day indeed.....

An American Bagel.... no more delicious than others
but look how pretty!

During the fireworks, there was a competing show.... A huge fire in Brooklyn.
Emma and I went to survey the damage at a lumber yard! Eesh....

Was it worth it?

DAY 7: FIND TREASURE [Into the woods...]

2009-07-03T23:01:00.000-07:00

Tim, my band's drummer, and I were supremely bored as the NYC rain continued to rain on our parade. With a lack of funds, we threw a whole bunch of ideas out there including renting a movie, some old video games, and/or continue sitting there with absolutely nothing to do.

Then we contemplated a SCAVENGER HUNT. But to make one is a lot of work, no? That's when Tim remembered this new global community that participates in GEOCACHING.

All you need as a GPS (or a friend with an IPhone) and your first set of coordinates. Use your brain power and find some REAL TREASURE. And you can cherish your "wholesome" memories for the rest of you life..... sappy huh?

GPS Lite - Free for Iphone and all you need for Geocaching.
Oh, and a brain cell.
Our travels brought us to Central Park at night....not the brightest move.
But we did indeed find the CACHE! Try it before you knock it.
It's addictive!

YUM YUM: Golden Rule #2

2009-07-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

This is stolen from Rachel Ray. If there is a line outside, you should be standing in it.

Are you kidding me? ARTICHOKE..... they make 4 types of pizza a night. Usually a margherita, a stuffed artichoke, something random and their classic "Spinach Artichoke". Run there.... seriously.... 14th Street btw 1st and 2nd Ave.

I remember a friend of mine went in for surgery, and after i picked him up, completely doped up, all he wanted was this pizza. I should have known THEN!

This is Amanda. Don't be deceived, she doesn't eat. Miss Size O...

$4 for a slice of heaven. Tim should really charge more for his services...

DAY 6: GO TO THE BAR?!?! [If you can't beat 'em]

2009-07-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is right. I say, go to the bar. I couldn't help but visit my FAVORITE bar in NYC, The Beauty Bar. This is a place where you can have a martini and a manicure for $15 bucks. I have spent many a night wasted on 14th street after a crapload of drinking. One of my finest memories lives right outside of my favorite haunt's doors. Preface: This interaction occurred with a good friend of quite some time, he shall remain nameless.....

Drunk ME: So, you want to come back to my place?
Straight Dude: Um. I don't think I do that anymore, you're very handsome but....
Drunk ME: It's okay...
Straight Dude: I mean if you knew me in college...
Drunk ME: Can I be honest for a minute? The only reason why I'm friends with you is cause i thought one day we'd f*ck.
Straight Dude: Meaning?
Drunk ME: Lose my number.

....any mother would be proud of me, no?.

Anyways, I was wary as to whether or not I could enjoy dancing my ass off without the "liquid devil" (thanks WB for that) . Let me just tell you that my neck is so sore, my feet in blisters....cause I was a dancing fool and had the time of my life. Beauty Bar still has the best DJ's that hook you up!

And what did it cost me? 2 Diet Cokes and a Water = FREE plus a $3 tip. This morning, no hangover, and no hangover poop ("WHAT DID I EAT LAST NIGHT?!?!?!").

Sans drink, I still found myself dancing on a table...
and getting yelled at by the bartender seconds after the photo was taken.

DAY 5: MAKE MUSIC [Strike up the Band!]

2009-07-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

Now this isn't a new for me, it's something I've done my entire life. But MUSIC is in all of us. Learn an instrument, hit up a free concert in the park, go to a karaoke bar, join a crowd and sing campfire songs. I promise, it is a language we all know how to speak.

My band, The Argyle Effect, started over a night of dick jokes and a keyboard. Now, we have toured the country, competed on MTV, and on our way to recording a SERIOUS (hah!) new album. The band consists of Patrick Gaughan (Guitar), Tim McKiernan (Drums), and Ryan Spitz (Bass). Last night we played a show at famed Arlene's Grocery!

The best part of the night wasn't the music, but rather what the music did. It brought out all of our friends and family for a LATE LATE Night on a Tuesday Evening! We are so thankful to be so loved. I hope everyone had a blast!

Headling at Arlene's Grocery 6-30-09

Patrick thanks nice muscle dude for coming.

Tim and super fan and friend, Julia! Love this girl!

The band was bought beers mid-set. I enjoyed my water!

I threaten to kiss Pat in the middle of our show at least 3 times.
One day, you're going down Mr. Gaughan.

YUM YUM: If it is sold off a cart....

2009-07-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

...EAT IT!!! It's my golden rule of dining out! 19 times out of 20, it'll be amazing. And usually CHEAP. No overhead costs = cheaper food for you! And if you match the vendor's nationality to the nationality of the food sold, it's 100% guaranteed.

Today's adventure brings me and Patrick to my homeland...aka Chinatown. Along with friends who don't have day jobs, it is advantageous to have friends who will eat ANYTHING. Picky eaters destroy my soul....

Patrick is a worthy guinea pig....I mean, he's really adventurous... yup, adventurous.
Chinese Rice Noodle rolls with Soy Sauce and Saracha.

NYONYA, a Malaysian restaurant, my fav cuisine.
Nasi Lemak: Coconut rice, anchovies, curry chicken, picked veg., egg
Hokkien Char Mee: Noodles with everything...just get it....

DAY 4: FRISBEE/SUNBATHE [On a Clear Day....]

2009-06-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

Do yourself a favor and get a friend who doesn't have a day job. Actually, get a couple of 'em. Cause when others are working 9 to 5 (not the musical), you can have places like Central Park all to yourself. I gave my guitarist [check Day 5 for details] and best friend, Patrick, a text and off we were to Sheep's Meadow. Threw around a frisbee, caught some rays, sweet action jackson.

You will only have to share the park with:
1. Other actors and musicians. Unemployed of course.
2. The bag-of-ice-with-water/beer-selling guys. (DON'T BUY FROM THEM, you'll get a ticket, and they litter!!!!)
3. People who live in rent controlled apartments...ie Cat Ladies w/millions of $$$, Kids of NYC Prep, Grandpa Crazy.
4. Models, who live similar lives to actors and musicians, but much MUCH hotter.
5. Hippies, straight up hippies.

I watched these boys for an hour while they practiced capoeira.... Need a I say more?

Patrick offers today's STRAIGHT ALTERNATIVE:

"Get yourself a large pair of aviators
and pretend to journal. Park yourself in front of
your nearest lady interest"

Duh....thanks Pat.

YUM YUM: My new favorite snack.....

2009-06-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

Thank you NICK MOORE. Thank you for this healthy delicious snack option, high in protein and satisfying.

No thanks, if you happen to eat the WHOLE BAG of chips in the process of eating healthy cottage cheese. Please substitute for Trader Joe's Brand of BBQ chips. Any kettle cooked version will work.

Besties.... Friendship, it even says it on the container

Day 3: VISIT THE LIBRARY [Marian the Librarian...]

2009-06-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

...does not work at the NYC Public Library, nor are there any fabulously choreographed dance sequences but what a helluva resource! I was gearing up for my first audition back in NYC and low and behold, I didn't have the right music.

Where better to go than to the Performing Arts Library at Lincoln Center! Here you can find the sheet music to almost anything, FREE! And I think it is a wonderful date location if you want to watch old musicals. You can watch virtually anything that isn't currently playing on Broadway. But you need an excuse. My favorite, "Um, I'm directing it at my high school." Note: There is no rewinding, and no second viewings but again, FREE!!!

Next time, it's pouring outside and you want to either expand your craft, view some classics, rip some full showtune albums.... DON'T PAY FOR IT! You could spend hours there! Beware the hours. And no, this library does NOT have the same reputation as NYU's Bobst Library. Part of me says "HOT", a bigger part of me says "YUCK!"

$40 for full anthologies you won't use. $0.15/page for music you needed yesterday.

In case y'all are too lazy to go....for shame! Oh Robert Preston...
It's the full sequence, I spare no expense on this blog!

Day 2: GAY PRIDE [Temptation Island]

2009-06-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

I could not have chosen a worse time to start my dry agenda. The summer season breeds endless days of midday drinking with picnic friends, brunch dates with unlimited bloody marys and mimosas, and tropical cocktails to cool off by during warm summer nights.

But alas, none of those things could top the most tempting day of drinking by far.... GAY PRIDE NYC. I see the parade and tracked it from Rockefeller Center down to Union Square. I spent the day with Thomas, Josh and Nam.... Was I tempted to drink? YES. Did I drink? NO.

Today's accomplishment was to spend time with friends and family and still enjoy their company sans beverages. My past pride experiences have been full of debauchery, but none in 2009. Still I had my fill of naked torsos, rainbow beads, free condoms, and prideful energy.

And of the 3 weeks I have been back in NY, It has rained EVERYDAY! Drizzling, pouring, humidity; it has felt like Seattle around here. But today, God surely did shine upon NYC LGBT! Not a drop of rain and sunlight to spare!

I am known to be scared of horses and bears of all varieties.

NO alcohol, does not mean no COFFEE....my new bev of choice

Thomas ordered some vodka to go with his V8.

Josh opted for a sprite with cherry syrup...aka a Shirley Temple. Fancy.

Really excited about water. Really really excited.
Notice also the effect of humidity on my Adam Lambert hair,
now the Kate hair from Jon and Kate plus 8.

I did have to cut my Pride celebration short on the account of it being my mother's birthday! How dare she be born on gay pride!!! I realized that at my family table, the only things my family talk about are money, cars, how much weight I've gained/loss, and electronic devices. LAME! Oh Asians.....

I wish I had a video camera. Adorable.
LIZA: Happy Birfday to me! Happy Birfday to ME!

DAY 1: TAKE A DANCE CLASS [Let the Sunshine In!!!]

2009-06-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

I had been planning to go back to dance class since I graduated from college....that was 3 years ago! Broadway Dance Center had been my go to but I heard about this fabulous theater dance class being offered at Alvin Ailey Dance Studio, taught by Vic DiMonda.

Vic was out and I was upset but class was taught by Jennifer DiDonato and boy was I impressed! I have no flexibility left but I tried to give my best acting beats ever. We did a combination to the title song from Hair which is currently playing a Tony-Award winning revival on Broadway. I saw the show at Shakespeare in the Park last year (this year's trip, courtesy of MIM) and it was amazing. Grab a ticket ASAP!

So grab your dance shoes and make your way over to the studio! The facilities are also super bright, super spacious, and super clean! Alvin Ailey is also offering an introductory rate of 2-classes for $25 for new members! Great fun and a great workout..... WORK IT OUT!

Here's to the Ladies Who Lunch...

2009-06-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

and here's to the beginning of MetroLUCIDITY.....cheers.

PREFACE:

Let me be very clear in saying that this blog does not condemn drinking, smoking, or anything else. It's just here to document my travels, as a young gay man trying to live my own life without those things. My hopes are to find others within the LGBT community interested in a substance-free lifestyle and beginning a social/support network for those actively trying to find happiness without drugs and alcohol.

WHY?

After a night of drinking, I usually find myself checking drunken texts, drunk dials, drunk facebook messages, and the photos on my Iphone. Here are a couple photos I found....

Good for warming up the vocal chords. Right guys?

The morning after: Pissed off and a hot mess.

Case in point, I often times don't remember what I had done the night before. My nights are full of reckless decisions. Although there may be some great unfettered dancing, a bunch of Facebook adds of people I don't remember and would unlikely to talk to again, and lots of $ poorly spent..... I usually have nothing to show for it! And the sacrifice is worse than the hours spent out, but usually at least an entire half day of haziness the day after!

WHAT NOW?!

As of 12:07 am June 27, 2009.....Kelvin Moon Loh has ordered his last glass of wine! Or at least I'm going to try. Here have been my past ordering trends:

1 Glass of Red Wine [a glass of red wine is good for you]
1 Glass of cheaper Red Wine [convince the waitress that you actually prefer the taste of cheaper]
1/2 Carafe of Wine [Hell, why not?]
2 for 1 Beers [1 for $5, 2 for $10....sounds like a good deal at the time]
Large order of Fries [Cheese if available]
$1 PBR [Now I'm broke and drunk]
Shots [Convince some poor fool to buy me shots, usually myself]
1 Sugar-free Red Bull [As if sugar-free is going to help at this point}
$50 liquor tab of who knows what....
Halal Street Meat Food. [I consider it a nightcap]

You get the point. Now imagine this 3 to 4 nights a week. Holy! No more I tell you!

WISH ME GOOD LUCK:

Day One, so this might be the biggest challenge. NYC is full of people who don't require designated drivers. Hopefully I will find the strength!